


The War

by Anonymous



Category: Pokemon - Fandom
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Alcohol, Angst, Birthdays, Blood, Clans/Tribes, Crack, Crime, Crushes, Cults, Dark Humor, Dark fic, Death, Deputies, Drinking, F/F, F/M, Fighting, Friendship, Gatherings, Healers, Humor, In Cults, Jealousy, Logic Has Been Defied, Magic, Manipulation, Mediators, Multi, Murder, Mushrooms, No Beta, One-sided pining, Parties, Physical Abuse, Pining, Punishments, Recreational Marijuana, Rivalry, Romance, Slavery, Trainers, War, Worship, creepy children, drunken fights, football players, leaders, lgbtq+
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-10
Updated: 2021-03-10
Packaged: 2021-03-13 16:28:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,318
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29529186
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: The twelve Clans have had peace for a full year since the Trainers left the Dark City to defend the Pokémon from the Football Players.But then the Football Players come storming back with the now-convinced Trainers, who think that the Pokémon are just using them.So now the Pokémon must defend themselves as hilarity and chaos ensues.
Relationships: (Past) Pin (Jolteon)/Wave (Mareep), Absorb (Roselia) & Bitter (Petalil) & Sting (Roselia), Cross Splash (Palkia)/Ocean Cyclone (Kyogre), Darkness Crunch (Mightyena)/Ominous (Absol), Fairy Wind (Togetic)/Rain (Vaporeon), Flickering Ram (Morelull) & Synthesis (Fomantis), Harden (Onix) & Hurricane Edge (Flygon), Harden (Onix)/Vitality (Vaporeon), Pin (Jolteon) & Wave (Mareep), Pulse (Shiinotic) & Sunny Day (Lurantis) & Struggle Bug (Masquerain), Tackle (Deerling) & Shimmer (Volcarona)
Collections: Anonymous





	The War

**Author's Note:**

> Hey y'all! I'm not ashamed of this masterpiece, actually, I'm just gonna be under Anon so I don't confuse my other readers with this weird-ass fandom. :) Also because I don't want to seem like I'm neglecting my other fics, which I'm not. After I'm done with this fic, I'm gonna remove the Anon. ^^ Thank all of you who have even gotten this far to reading it!!
> 
> Aight. Down to business.
> 
> 1 - This was made with a friend of mine with Pokémon Cards. We made all of this. We came up with the names and Clans and places in this fic, so if any way it's just like other places fiction and non-fiction it was entirely on accident. 
> 
> 2 - This has some horrifying tags, but this is actually crack. I made sure that "crack" was the first tag. Because it really is. 
> 
> 3 - Me and my friend would be totally willing to make a oneshot of any kind. ^^ Kinda. Maybe. It might be just me…
> 
> 4 - Yes, football players/cards are added in this. Really no names are mentioned… if there are mentioned names, then… sorry…
> 
> 5 - Sorry for the amount of characters, but combined me and him have over 300 Pokémon cards.
> 
> 6 - The names might be hard to follow, but I give y'all luck!
> 
> 7 - And… finally… this fic is crazy af. But cool af.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The leaders and deputies, along with the Clans that have mediators, have their monthly leader meeting.

All of the leaders of the Clans - along with their deputies - stand in a circle, looking around silently at each other. 

Then more Pokémon join and everyone sighs annoyedly. "Move back, alright come on everyone, let's go, move back," they all grumble. They move back into a wider circle to let the new Pokémon in. It's Rainbow Burn, as the last one - as it always seems to be - but instead of Ambush with her, it's Lead, the young Eevee, yet the oldest in her sibling group that has reduced to only her and her brother. 

Slash clears his throat obnoxiously. "Hello, everyone, I would like to start." He struts into the middle of the circle and walks in a couple circles before settling down in the middle. Pin, his deputy the Jolteon (and father of Lead and her sibling) groans and shakes his head. _Always him. He always has to talk first._

The Lightning has always been egotistical, and no one knows why. The Zekrom just is. It's all everyone knows, since Slash has been around for hundreds and hundreds of years.

"Firstly, Lightning is doing well, as you all can imagine, and-" 

"Of course, you liar." Thunder Slice growls "quietly." Slash freezes and immediately gets in the Black Kyurem's face after recovering. 

"Huh? Huuh?! What'd ya' just say, hm?!?" Their faces press together, and both of them get into fighting stance. "You wanna go, bro? You wanna go?" 

"Sure, I wanna go. Let's go." They get into the middle of the circle and begin turning around and around, growling. Rainbow Burn flutters down over to the Metal/Darkness mediator, Retaliate the Bisharp, who's sitting with Darkness at this turn, and gets her attention, as if a giant rainbow bird isn't attention-grabbing enough. 

"Hey, you're the mediator, stop them." Rainbow Burn then returns to her respected spot in the circle. 

"Like I do every Gathering…" Retaliate mutters to herself, then marches into the middle of the circle and smacks both of the males in the face. "Hey, you guys, stop. Be calm." She wouldn't smack anyone else… besides maybe other dumb olden-day male rivalries, like Groudon and Kyogre. "ONE." This gets the two back in their spots before she can even take a pause to get to "two." Retaliate stands with her blades against her hips. "Good, I'm glad y'all have recovered from your momentary stupidity," she drawls dryly. 

She walks back to Darkness, where Darkness Crunch is standing there growling to herself about all these idiots, and her girlfriend Ominous is just standing there calmly, nodding. Darkness Crunch sniffs haughtily - not that she can beat the haughty sniff of the Floatzel in Water - and says loudly, "I would _never_ act this undignified." 

"Sure, sure." Ominous murmurs, no doubt thinking of their chilhood, where Darkness Crunch had an intense rivalry/friendship with Fairy Wind - Togetic - and the Maractus in Leaf who has recently found her long-lost sister.

"As you can see," Rainbow Burn begins, stepping into the middle of the circle, "Ambush isn't here representing the spot of deputy in Colorless." _The two birds…_ everyone thinks grudgingly. "Instead I have Lead. Ambush has broken his legs, which, trust me, is a very VERY big hit to the pride. He is currently sitting in a kind of rocking chair to get around." 

Slash snickers, along with several others. 

"And why I'M here without Rumble," Laser, the leader of Psychic adds, "is because he's gone. Which is why Infiltrator here is in his space." The Dragapult nods stoically and refrains from correcting "space" to "place." 

"Well, okay, that's sorted out." Continuance laughs. "Here is my new deputy, since my wife died…" he sniffles. "Anyways, this is Flame Flames. She doesn't really speak." Murmurs of "Flame Flames? What kind of name is that?" and "Is that a Centiskorch? She doesn't look very bright." circle around. Literally. 

The new Fire deputy hisses and snarls a little. Continuance nods. 

"I just wanna say something," Vitality, the Water's deputy, and adopted daughter to Cross Splash and Ocean Cyclone, pipes up. She enters the circle and spins around and around and around. "All of us spin in circles before we talk. That's all." 

Meanwhile, the new mediator of Fire and Leaf, Shimmer, who has been silent the whole time, speaks quietly. "I've noticed that."

"Guuuuyyyys!" Laser cuts in. "I wasn't finished! Rumble has been gone since yesterday night. Which means… his twenty-four hours are almost up! I might have to appoint a new deputy. He has two hours left, guys. So if I come next time and it's her-" he points sharply at Infiltrator, "-it's because he still isn't home, or he is home. But I will totally tell you." Everyone shifts around uncomfortably, refusing to tell him that sure, okay, but that doesn't matter to them.

" _My_ new deputy is Pulse over here!" Fairy Wind, the leader of Fairy, says loudly, demanding attention from everyone. The Shiinotic next to her's eyes widen slightly. _Kinda late to the new-deputy-announcing party, but okay…_ "And also, my daughter Slam is doing perfectly alright! Her birthday is soon! And my drunk Aunt has NOT sobered up yet." Fairy Wind frowns. "It's kinda funny. But disappointing. She keeps dying, so Grandmother has to revive her every time." 

Fairy Wind is the daughter of Spear, who's sister is Bright Horns, and those two are the daughter of the first Xerneas, Geomancy. 

Other lines are Bright Horn's adopted daughter, Wonder Lock, who's somewhere else, past the waterfall that stretches past three hundred yards and river that is almost as long. Spear's daughters, Fairy Wind (who has an adopted daughter Jigglypuff who's name is Slam), Luminous Blade, and two other Gardevoirs, Telekinesis and Ray.

They all fall into an awkward silence. 

"So… is that all?" Cross Splash says, another power female in leader position. "Come on guys." 

"Uhh… yeah. Still haven't heard any movements from the Football Players." Scythe Dance adds. Tropical nods her extremely long head. "And the Dark City has stayed silent. Soon, us Leaf will be taking our routine movements to the Evergreen Caverns." 

The Evergreen Caverns are moist caves that are a maze, leading to the most luscious meadow, if you know which direction to go - meaning, if you're a well-brought-up Leaf. The Leaves go there routinely to feed and rejoice and bloom. It's always sunshine-y and green, and the bird Pokémon that flock up in the sheltering trees are always chirping. Snow never touches anywhere on this part of Leaf's land. Only rain can get through, and it makes the ground soft, and the grass smells nice. Every single Leaf existing has loved going there. 

The Dark City, on the other hand, is where the Football Players, and now the Trainers, have disappeared to. It's full of darkness and crumbled Pokémon buildings where the Pokémon used to rejoice. There's a large blue snake that won't grant access to the chest in a secluded, covered spot behind it that holds the special Energies, and either way, you'd need a key, and no one knows where that is. Most likely in the snake's possession.

"Well, we're out." Total Command says finally after everyone processes this new information. "Seeya guys." 

"Wait- just thought of something." Cross Splash interjects, scowling. "You Ice should come back. It was much easier when our Tribes- I mean… uhhh… Clans - were together. Why did we split off again?" Total Command frowns intensely. 

"Because you made us split up." 

_Because she doesn't want anyone to be that rowdy in her Clan._ Everyone else thinks simultaniously. 

"Well I still want you back." Cross Splash huffs, and rests a hand on her bouncing daughter's head. "Come along you two, we're going back to Water." She turns, and Ocean Cyclone and Vitality follow her. Ocean Cyclone follows her warily, because it seems that she's in a bad mood. 

Everyone else splits up in their own directions without another word.


End file.
